Guns N' Roses

I think track-by-track is the only way I can do this. Let's go:

1. Chinese Democracy - A quiet intro leads to a big dumb rock song. Not very memorable, but this an idea way to start this album. Plus, that is a better guitar solo than 95% of the solos attempted this decade, which sets a good precedent for the rest of the record.

2. Shackler's Revenge - This one was obviously created for Guitar Hero. The chorus grew on me after a few times; this is an inevitable radio hit.

3. Better - What is it with this album and horrible song intros? The first 30 seconds sound like a bad Brittany Spears track, and then we get a great mid-tempo verse followed by a great aggressive chorus - think "My Michelle". This is a highlight.

4. Streets Of Dreams - Yes, the piano shows up! Perfect timing! A dramatic power ballad that doesn't overdo the whining or the strings. Best song on the record - things are going great thus far.

5. If The World - What the hell is going on here? Spanish guitar, funk bass, metal riffs, and a new higher octave for Axel to sing in? This is the point where GNR purists throw this CD out their car windows. Terrible.

6. There Was A Time - This song just redefined the word "pretentious". Every idea Axel had, good or bad, they just swung for the fences and tried it. This is a confusing mess of a song. There are parts that I like, but sorting this one out is like homework.

7. Catcher In The Rye - Another gorgeous piano ballad that redeems the album from those last two tracks. I love the uncharacteristic "la la la" that leads into a great guitar solo. This is a keeper.

8. Scraped - Pure guitar muscle reminiscent of Soundgarden. I love the backing vocals, I hate the intro (yet again).

9. Riad N' The Bedouins - Take the last track, give it an even worse intro and a horrible name. You probably could have cut this one.

10. Sorry - A slow, angry, draining ballad that is difficult to get through. "I'm sorry for you, not sorry for me" - these are horrid lyrics even by Axel's standards. This song is, simply put, unlistenable.

11. I.R.S. - Finally, a good intro! A driving but creepy tantrum with some of Axel's best yelling - it grows on you.

12. Madagascar - He performed this one several years ago on MTV. Usually, an orchestra and a symphony work terribly together, but they are well balanced and this is a solid epic in the "Estranged" vein. Even the Martin Luther King sample at the end doesn't overstay its welcome.

13. This I Love - A weepy piano/string ballad that could make it into a future Disney film. I actually like it, although at least one metal head will read this and beat me up for it.

14. Prostitute - More string, more piano, but a bit more drive and guitar this time. Unexpectedly gorgeous outro: a solid end to a shaky record.

For those of you keeping score, here's this record in a nutshell: 5 excellent tracks that rank with this band's best before the two-decade break, 5 songs that are good enough to occupy space but aren't very memorable, and 4 tracks that are horrible experiments gone wrong.

Does that make this a classic album? No, but it makes it a good one. Give it a chance - there are enough well-executed ideas here to make this album interesting and even memorable. I don't think it will be a well-regarded piece of music history, but if you need some good old rock and roll, this will get you through the holiday season. And it should be enough to make you hope Axel doesn't wait another 17 years to give us something new.