Robyn

Damn you, Metacritic. You tricked me again. I really should have known better, but I fell for it.

About four years ago, I saw an album getting rave reviews on Metacritic called Funeral by Arcade Fire. I read the reviews, and then without ever hearing a single track on the album, I bought it on Amazon.com. It only took me one listen to think "this is the single greatest album of the new millennium". By the way, I still believe that. This year, I bought two of the best records of the year solely based on what I saw on Metacritic: debut records by Bon Iver and the Fleet Foxes. What can I say, I'm a sucker for good music reviews.

Occasionally, I get burned, and it always seems to be by the same two genres: electronica (hideously overrated albums by the Field and Primal Scream) and pop music (Lily Allen and now Robyn). I don't know why these albums rate so high and get me so excited - they are just bound to disappoint.

With that said, I bought the self-titled album by Robyn and... I guess I'm missing something here. How is this better than Brittany Spears, Mariah Carey, or any of the other "popular" musicians who do this kind of music? The beats are simply more annoying (the song "Konichiwa Bitches" would even be an annoying video game soundtrack), the lyrics are repulsive and simple minded (look at the aforementioned song title), and the choruses are either not catchy or simply stolen ("Cobrastyle" rips the chorus off, oh yes, Kid Rock's "Bawitabaw"!).

Why did critics crap themselves over this album? Why? Is it because she's not American? Is it because an unheard of "pop" musician is much better because nobody in America buys her records? This is inexcusable. Shame on you Blender, Pitchfork, and Allmusic. Did you even play this one start to finish? It isn't even bad in an interesting way like the Animal Collective are (that's another rant for another time).

OK, now my advice: if you read Metacritic, please completely disregard the rating if the album is a dance, electronic, or pop record. Even if it's hip-hop, be skeptical. And don't talk yourself into buying a horrible album just because it got good reviews. If I got my money back from every time I did that, I could have bought a new car by now.